perspective

I have been missing from this space for a few weeks. To those of you who check in here, I do apologize. It has been a hard three weeks. First, I lost someone quite dear to me...lost in the sense that they are no longer in my life, though they are still here, it's complicated. I have felt the loss deeply and it has had me thinking a lot about trust, disappointment, what we value, the things we find important enough to take with us and the things we leave behind. Tough concepts for an adult to grapple with, I'm struggling to make them undaerstandable to my three year old (three today in fact!)

Next, a glass of wine spilled on my very new computer. All over it. I knew what to do, I took the battery out let it dry overnight and took it to the Mac store the next morning. Two weeks later I was told by the two Dutch people in all of Amsterdam that do not speak English that it will cost 1000$ more than I paid for the computer, to fix it. I was pretty devastated. It was only a couple of months old, a gift from my parents, and it represented for me a new beginning in my professional and creative life. I had attached so much meaning to it. I couldn't bear to tell my mom, I felt like a little kid who had ruined their brand new shoes, dollhouse, transformer, bike...whatever thing they really really wanted.
"Something terrible happened, I am so sorry to tell you this....I, um, well he um, well a glass of wine spilled all over the computer.."
"oh" she said "....what a relief"
"relief?" I said
" you said something terrible happened, I thought something happened to my grandson...it's just a computer ...it can be replaced"

Oh, right!

So I have spent the last few weeks regrouping, deciding what is really important, what gives me joy and what I can do without. I decided I love this space, new as it is, it is something I really want to continue in a way that is manageable for me in my life. I wanted to post every day like the blogs I admire and I made myself a little crazy with it. I felt guilty when everydayness won out over creative expression. That's what I am in right now, every day with a small child and a fledgling business in a new city. It isn't always glamorous and there isn't a lot of time to myself but it is incredibly joyful at times...and I learn a lot about myself during those times when it is not. I just needed a little perspective. I hope you will bear with with me as I sort out my computer situation...it may be a few more weeks, although I might sneak onto a friend's computer every once in a while to post something delicious...I had a few in the works when he, um, I, um ...a glass of wine spilled on said computer. In the meantime I am reposting this photo collage as it represents to me what is truly important.