Monday, September 14, 2009



I have been missing from this space for a few weeks. To those of you who check in here, I do apologize. It has been a hard three weeks. First, I lost someone quite dear to me...lost in the sense that they are no longer in my life, though they are still here, it's complicated. I have felt the loss deeply and it has had me thinking a lot about trust, disappointment, what we value, the things we find important enough to take with us and the things we leave behind. Tough concepts for an adult to grapple with, I'm struggling to make them undaerstandable to my three year old (three today in fact!)

Next, a glass of wine spilled on my very new computer. All over it. I knew what to do, I took the battery out let it dry overnight and took it to the Mac store the next morning. Two weeks later I was told by the two Dutch people in all of Amsterdam that do not speak English that it will cost 1000$ more than I paid for the computer, to fix it. I was pretty devastated. It was only a couple of months old, a gift from my parents, and it represented for me a new beginning in my professional and creative life. I had attached so much meaning to it. I couldn't bear to tell my mom, I felt like a little kid who had ruined their brand new shoes, dollhouse, transformer, bike...whatever thing they really really wanted.
"Something terrible happened, I am so sorry to tell you this....I, um, well he um, well a glass of wine spilled all over the computer.."
"oh" she said "....what a relief"
"relief?" I said
" you said something terrible happened, I thought something happened to my's just a computer can be replaced"

Oh, right!

So I have spent the last few weeks regrouping, deciding what is really important, what gives me joy and what I can do without. I decided I love this space, new as it is, it is something I really want to continue in a way that is manageable for me in my life. I wanted to post every day like the blogs I admire and I made myself a little crazy with it. I felt guilty when everydayness won out over creative expression. That's what I am in right now, every day with a small child and a fledgling business in a new city. It isn't always glamorous and there isn't a lot of time to myself but it is incredibly joyful at times...and I learn a lot about myself during those times when it is not. I just needed a little perspective. I hope you will bear with with me as I sort out my computer may be a few more weeks, although I might sneak onto a friend's computer every once in a while to post something delicious...I had a few in the works when he, um, I, um ...a glass of wine spilled on said computer. In the meantime I am reposting this photo collage as it represents to me what is truly important.


  1. riley, i'm sorry for your loss. hope you've got friends around you. i'm also sorry about your computer, even if it's just a thing (i'm a mac owner myself and know that they mean a little extra to many people)
    don't worry about not posting to your blog. if we think too much of "public demand" the fun of blogging goes away, i think...
    the photo collage is beautiful =)

  2. beauty comma, thank you so much for your thoughful have brightened my day!

  3. i'm sorry for all the crap that you've been going through. i really like what you said about learning about yourself when life is not joyful or creative. i can relate to this post so much. i had a pretty tough year, and i've never grown so much as a person. it was a surprise. like you, it helped me sort out what was important. now i'm just trying to enjoy the process of day to day life without fretting over the accomplishments.

    your readers don't mind waiting for posts! your blog is so lovely and genuine, and it's about quality not quantity, right?

    good luck with your computer situation, and happy b-day to your son!

  4. We love you, unconditionally, for that is what family is about! Hang in there, and let us know if you need anything! This too shall pass...


  5. Great post. Loss and grieving is always painful. But, it is also an opportunity to wake up and reassess.

  6. I'm sorry for your troubles, Riley. But whatever is going on, I have faith you'll emerge even stronger. Bonne courage, as the French say. Hope computer issues get sorted too.